There’s no drama, no fighting. You’ve been together for years, raised kids and pets. The love is still there, but the spark just isn’t. As months drift into years, you realize: You’re in a sexless marriage.

There are other things that you must have in a healthy marriage, and it can’t just be that you love your spouse. Sometimes we may love someone, but still you need to end the relationship because you know you’re not being respected or you’re not getting other basic things out of it.

A common situation we come across in our practice are clients that don’t want to move forward with their divorce because their spouse is a “great person”, and their spouse “was a great parent”, and “was nice and did all the right things”. BUT they live in a sexless marriage were the hadn’t been intimate in five or six years and basically are glorified roommates. We even had a client that hadn’t been intimate or slept in the same bed as their spouse in 10 years! (Just FYI that is the penalty for a third time DUI!).

If you are sleeping apart, whether it is every night, or just a couple of days a week, you are roommates. The marital bed is where your true intimacy happens. You have sex there, it is where you cuddle, and it’s that place you have your deep talks before falling asleep.

SLEEPING APART IS NOT HEALTHY FOR A MARRIAGE, we know that not all marriages are the same but usually whenever you decide on a “Sleeping Divorce” this is the beginning of an avalanche of issues that may lead to a dysfunctional divorce. If you are choosing to sleep apart and haven’t been intimate in a while (or longer that you feel comfortable with) staying in that situation, may be because, you are afraid to move on.

So, ask yourself, are you choosing a “Sleeping Divorce” instead of getting divorced? Do you feel in denial? Are you choosing avoidance?

Choosing to be unhappy in a sexless marriage – it’s like pulling off the Band-Aid slowly. Just rip that thing off! You don’t know how much longer you have in this world. You should live your best life. So, why are you in this miserable relationship. Why are you living in a house in separate rooms? YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!

If you’re ready to move on from your marriage,

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

LinkedIn | State Bar Association | Avvo | Google