I paid my lawyer a ton of money and I have nothing to show for it!

Does this sound familiar? Have you said this yourself about your lawyer? Well, there might be a reason for it but you might not like the answer.

The answer is you.

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s about expectations.

When you first go to your lawyer’s office, you have a problem, right? A big problem and you just want some relief. It’s sort of like going to the doctor and hoping there is medication you can take to make the problem just go away.

But remember how your doctor always says, “Take all of the medicine. Don’t just stop when the symptoms go away.” It’s because it takes time for the medicine to work effectively and do its job.

The same applies to your legal problem, in particular, your divorce.

You’re not going to go the lawyer’s office and suddenly everything is going to be different.

You’re not going to feel vindicated. You’re not going to see results right away. Divorce is not an event. It’s a process. Much like transforming your body through diet and exercise, or taking medicine to cure an illness, it takes time to see the results.

Just because you’re not seeing immediate results, that doesn’t mean that nothing is happening.

And I am sorry to say that the divorce process, particularly if you’re heavily involved litigating (that means involving the court in your matter), it takes a long time and you will not see results quickly.

That is where expectations become important. Your lawyer should explain the process to you – and you should ask questions – so that you have a realistic understanding of the process.

You also have to be realistic about what your lawyer and the legal process can really do for you. The law cannot change your spouse’s personality, or make him or her a nicer person, or make him or her more willing to compromise.

There is some good news though. There are things you can do to make the divorce process a little better, a little easier, and sometimes a little faster and less costly. Mediation is one method, which we strongly encourage our clients to do, to speed up the process and keep costs down.

If you are interested in learning more about mediation and whether this is an option that could work for you, contact our office to schedule a and see if we are a good fit.

We often write blogs and post videos on these topics so be sure to look through our blogs and check us out on and

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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