DIVORCING A NARCISSIST PART 2: Strategies to “WIN” your divorce to your narcissistic spouse.
This is a series for people who want to divorce their narcissistic spouse. In the first part we discuss some characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder and how that affects your divorce process. If you want to know if you are dealing with a narcissistic spouse check
So, how does divorcing a narcissist work? The first thing you need to know is that you cannot actually fight a narcissist. They don’t typically have the capacity to lose and must win at all costs. You will feel as though you are talking to a brick wall most of the time.
A major manipulation technique often used by narcissists is redefining reality by repeatedly fabricating fiction and presenting it as fact. They lie and present alternative facts, leading listeners to question their own understanding of reality. Victims often experience a ‘twilight zone’ phenomenon.
There is a strategy to divorcing a narcissist.
- You must hire an attorney who is smart, reasonable, and strong. Don’t confuse that with hiring a nasty or aggressive attorney, because that is what a narcissistic person will gravitate towards, and two aggressive attorneys will mean a disaster in terms of legal fees.
- Do not discuss divorce with a narcissist until you and your attorney have a plan of attack. He or she may start to hide money and do other underhanded things if you have not properly planned.
- Channel your inner Ninja or Spy. Make copies (or take photographs) of all assets and important documents. That way you’ll have proof when assets ‘go missing’. Keep track of your spouse’s spending and money movements, be smart and not too obvious when digging around.
- Most importantly, you need to choose your battles wisely. While you need to be proactive, remember that divorcing a narcissist will not be easy because he or she will always believe they are right. So, work with a Divorce Coach and be smart and realistic when compromising.
Divorcing a narcissist does NOT mean you will have to lose everything. The key is to plan and then plan again. Get your plans A – Z ready and LISTEN to your attorney. We have seen almost every situation possible and are ready to help you through this difficult situation.
If you want to begin the process
About the Author
John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.
Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.