One thing most divorce attorneys won’t tell you is we’re not friends. You’re a client. This is a business transaction. We are trying to help you through a divorce, but we’re not friends. A lot of people get really attached to their divorce attorney. And that’s why they feel like they need to tell them the same story repeatedly.

We know you’ll be confiding us with some intimate details of your life like your finances, and some of that might not be pleasant. There might be embarrassing things that you’ll have to share about your life like: you’re having a hard time keeping up with your mortgage payments, or maybe you have a lot of debt; whatever the case may be, we get that. But just because we discuss intimate topics it doesn’t mean we are the best of friends. These lengthy and uncomfortable conversations are just necessary to further your case.

You need to maintain professionalism between yourself and your attorney because if the attorney is emotionally involved, they really can’t be effective. That’s why you really shouldn’t hire friends. We’ve seen post judgment cases where someone’s now dating someone new and the new boyfriend will say is an attorney, and he’s now getting involved in preparing the papers. And it never goes well because that person now is emotionally involved, too.

You want your attorney to be objective? You want them to tell you the truth? You’re not going to get that if your attorney is emotionally involved. You don’t want your attorney to be mindful of your feelings. You want them to tell you the hard truth.

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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