Why Being Overly Aggressive Won’t Always Win a Court Case

Any type of court case can bring out the bad side of either party. Divorce and custody cases are no exception, and can sometimes be worse than other types of cases due to the highly personal nature of the case’s subject matter. In some situations, the parties will try to deal with their case by taking the most aggressive stance possible. While making a stand for what you want is acceptable, taking an overly-aggressive position is often counter-productive.

First, it is important to understand that divorce and custody cases are less about "winning" and more about helping to achieve goals and build your life going forward. Being overly-aggressive and refusing to be reasonable will not help you, as it will severely decrease your chances of reaching a settlement that benefits you.

Next, judges are often more inclined to make a favorable disposition to a reasonable party than to one who is working hard to make the case as difficult as possible. Judges will also take a parent’s refusal to cooperate with the other parent into account when making a custody or visitation decision. By being overly-aggressive with the other parent, you will be showing a judge that you cannot be reasonable and may not be a suitable custodian for your child. Maintaining this type of attitude will not endear you to the judge, and can cost you your goals.

Third, as being overly-aggressive reduces your settlement chances, this will probably mean your case will last longer and cost you more money. If you are able to settle out of court, you will be able to avoid paying an attorney to prepare for and ultimately represent you at a trial, which can be very costly. Moreover, if a judge feels that you are directing your attorney to take unnecessarily aggressive action with the sole goal of frustrating your spouse and costing him or her more money, it is possible you could end up being ordered to pay part of your spouse’s attorney’s fees.

Finally, especially in cases involving children, a separation or divorce does not always mean that you will never have to speak or interact with your spouse after the case is over. Keeping a more approachable and reasonable attitude during the case will help make sure that future interactions can stay civil.

If you are facing a divorce or child custody case, you need to help you with the right strategy and approach for your goals. Contact us today at (732) 529-6937 and we can discuss your case and the best strategy for your future

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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