What All Divorce Lawyers Know That Clients Don’t

If you are in the midst of a high-conflict divorce, it’s your own fault. 

This may not sit well with you if you are in the middle of a high-conflict divorce, because you likely think it’s your spouse’s fault. But if you really think about it, that defies logic. Let’s look at it another way. (I probably shouldn’t use sports metaphors because I don’t watch sports). If you watch a football game, and it’s a really good game, isn’t that because of both teams together? You couldn’t just attribute that to one of the teams, right? 

Let me try again. (I’m a foodie). You can’t have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich without the peanut butter. Or the jelly. You have to have both to make the magic. One without the other just won’t do. Well, a high-conflict divorce is like that. (Except not tasty like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich).

As a divorce lawyer, I often hear something like this from clients: We would be settled by now if she would just agree to X. 

But somewhere your spouse is saying, “We would be settled by now if he would just agree to Y.” 

You are both blaming each other. While you adamantly believe that the only reason this divorce continues is because your spouse just won’t do this or that, you’re not doing this or that either. 

The hardest part of divorce is compromise. Neither party wants to do it. We are all still kindergarteners deep inside. When we get in trouble, it was always someone else’s idea. When you have to do something you don’t want to do, “How come I have to follow orders and she doesn’t?” 

I can come up with all kinds of fancy legal advice to explain why you should compromise and why you should do X or Y to get your divorce done. But that doesn’t always work. So instead, I will speak in a language you may be able to understand better. “If your spouse jumps off the Brooklyn bridge, are you going to do it, too?”

Don’t let your divorce turn into a knock-down, drag out fight. Let us help you reach an agreement amicably and inexpensively. 

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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