Divorce Mediation is NOT for you if…

One of the biggest advantages of Divorce Mediation is the ability to resolve your divorce QUICKLY. However, the length of mediation depends on what issues have been agreed to prior to mediation and what needs to be addressed by the mediator.

Also, the amount of time spent in mediation is based on you and your spouse’s willingness to come to an agreement.

In our experience, divorce mediation may require several sessions. Again, the length of mediation will depend on the issues to be resolved, the complexity of those issues and the level of animosity the parties have for one another. If either one of the spouses is unwilling to move from their position on a particular issue, mediation may not work, and the divorce may have to proceed to court. This is when the costs increase substantially and the “fight” beings.

Mediation my not be for you if:

Your divorce has safety issues. If you have experienced Domestic Violence or fear for your safety, mediation isn’t for you. If you have experienced abuse in your relationship but it was some time ago, you should take into consideration the current state of your relationship before considering mediation. Depending on the circumstances people who have survived abuse may find it empowering to mediate but if it may affect your mental health in a negative way, your best choice is to sit with an experienced mediator and work through the issues beforehand to see if mediation is a good fit for your situation. Mediation should create a level playing field. Sometimes abusive relationships cannot be on a level playing field.

Your spouse tends to lie or is dishonest. If you suspect your spouse is hiding or has been hiding assets, wasting money or has been acting strange towards the couple finances, you may need an attorney to carefully navigate the discovery process. Mediation can only be achieved if both parties are willing to play by the rules, be truthful, and make complete disclosures.

You have a suspicion that your spouse is attempting to stall the proceedings. A mediator cannot force you or your spouse to settle. If your spouse wants to drag your divorce out, wants to abuse the process or completely shut all negotiations down then mediation is not for you.

Don’t assume that your spouse won’t agree to anything. The reality is that 98% of cases settle before they ever get to trial, and many of them are at mediation. You may think you have the worst spouse in the world, but chances are excellent that you will be able to reach an agreement on all issues and be part of that 98%

If you don’t have any of these obstacles than congratulations! Mediation is a great option for you. This process works best when both parties show up open to compromise.

Don’t reject mediation just because you and your spouse see a particular issue very differently—in other words, don’t give up before you’ve begun. Mediation is a powerful process, and many cases that seem impossible to resolve at the beginning end up in a settlement.

If you want to begin the process or if you want to see if mediation could be a good fit for you:

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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