Are You Letting Fear Stop You from Getting a Divorce?

Something that I encounter a lot with my clients is people that are making the excruciating decision of leaving their spouse and losing their marriage. And I don’t quite comprehend when I have somebody come in and talk about their unhappy marriage, but then at the end of the meeting, you assume they’re ready to move forward, but oftentimes they’re not.

And the reasons always sound like this:

  • “I’m not really sure.”
  • “I just don’t know if it fits.”
  • “I want to leave but what do you think I should do?”
  • I don’t know if I’ve done everything that I could do to save marriage.

This makes me wonder, what do you need to finally leave that unhappy life? When will your pain in that relationship end? You’re not happy and it’s not going to magically change.

What are you telling yourself?

  • I have to stay for the kids.
  • I’m not going to have enough money.
  • I’m going to just wait till the kids graduate from high school.
  • I just hit a deer and money is tight.
  • Maybe things will change.

A great piece of advice I received from Nancy Burger (Fear Strategist) is that the decision to leave a marriage requires clarity. You need to be able to strip away the noise and get to the root of the issue.

Don’t listen to all the noise in your head about “what ifs?” or all the stigma attached to divorce. Make a list of all your fears and phrase them like questions and try to answer them as honest as you possible can for example:

If I get a divorce what about my children? What’s it going to do to them?

What’s on the other side of that question?

Do you want your children to witness a dysfunctional or devolving relationship? Or do you want your children to witness a strong relationship and see their parents successfully navigating through life?

If you want to learn more about this conversation, make sure you listen to where Nancy Burger walks us through different strategies to help us get the clarity, we need to make the decision to leave an unhappy marriage.

You deserve to be happy today.

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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