Life After Divorce – Tips for Transition
Making the decision to divorce is an enormous one. Your life will change in a fundamental way, as will that of your children and your soon-to-be former spouse. Even in the case of a brief marriage, the parties will have almost always become accustomed to each other and will have to adjust in almost every way to being single. Although the transition to being single can be difficult, there are ways you can be proactive to help with your transition.
First, you will want to make a budget. Understand that following a divorce, finances may be tight for a little while as you adjust to a new life of being solely responsible for your household expenses (even if you are getting a contribution in the form of alimony or child support). Putting pen to paper to make a realistic budget of your monthly income and expenses will help you take financial control.
Second, know that healing takes time. Giving yourself a specific deadline for when you will stop feeling hurt or sad is not realistic. Grieving a relationship and the future you had imagined is completely normal and will not be an overnight process. Allowing yourself to go through these emotions in your own time will allow you to process them fully.
Third is to stay busy. If possible, take a class or develop a new hobby. Reconnect with friends, both new and old. In short, stay busy in a way that focuses on you redeveloping yourself and your life as a single person.
Fourth, as tempting as it may be to spend a lot of time bashing your former spouse to your friends and family, try to avoid this. Spending all of your emotional energy in retelling stories of how angry and hurt you are will simply lead to you reliving the past instead of trying to move forward in a proactive and healthy way.
Finally, do not be afraid to ask for help. Divorce is a difficult adjustment and you will do best if you reach out to family and friends for their support. Counseling can also help you in processing the divorce and transitioning to your new life as a single person. In especially contested and messy divorces, counseling can be especially helpful in working through the difficult feelings of anger, loss, and resentment.
If you are facing a divorce, you need an on your side to help you with the process. Contact us today at (732) 529-6937 and we can discuss your divorce and your future.