Finding Your Power Through Divorce

This blog is all about people finding their power. But what does that mean?  And how do you know if you’ve even lost your power in the first place?

Unleashing your power is really just about making decisions for yourself – and acting consistently with those decisions – to support your true desires.  It’s about doing what you want, when you want, to further yourself without that nagging feeling (you know the one I’m talking about) telling you that you can’t – or that you shouldn’t – or any other reason that effectively holds you back.  Here are some signs that you’ve lost your power that you may be able to identify in your own life:

(1) Difficulty Making Decisions.  Do you often feel like you can’t decide what you want because you don’t even know?  Sometimes we get stuck in our own heads worrying about irrelevant factors (such as what someone else wants) that it clouds our judgment.  Waffling at making decisions is a sign that you have lost your power.

(2) Procrastination.  The inability to act on the decisions we have made – or the ones we think we have made – is a sign we have lost our power.  It’s like trying to drive a car that is bucking and backfiring.  It makes it difficult to get where you are going.  You want a full drive train in gear to motor you along toward your goals.  No one ever got anywhere standing still.

(3) Feeling depressed.  When we have stepped into our power, we feel a certain kind of energy to push forward with our goals.  When we’ve lost that, the chip that tells us to “push forward” isn’t working.  It can make us feel inactive and unmotivated.

(4) Personality changes.  Another sign, which can also be related to depression, is not quite feeling like ourselves.  The things we used to do or enjoy, or the manner in which we did them, are out of sorts.  The pep in our step that used to be present seems to be gone.

(5) Complaining.   Noticing the negative aspect of everything around you is a sure sign you’ve lost your power.  When we are exercising that power within us, we don’t focus on the negative things in our lives, because we know we can change the negative things.  When you don’t have the feeling that you have control over things in your life anymore, you’ve lost your power.   Powerful women feel in control of their lives, because they can control their reactions to change the things they don’t want in their lives.  Therefore, complaining becomes unnecessary.  It’s just a distraction.

(6) Not asserting yourself.  Not speaking up for yourself and the things you want, however big or small, and letting others make decisions for you is a symptom of losing your power.  Knowing what you want and asking for it are key components to exercising your power.

Sometimes these symptoms creep up on us so gradually that we don’t even realize it.  We just wake up one day and feel like we’ve fallen down the rabbit hole.  Don’t be too hard on yourself when this happens. The most important aspect of combating it is to recognize it.  Once you recognize it, you can be mindful of making changes.

About the Author


John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.

Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.

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