The Truth About Your Divorce Options
This is one of the most common questions we hear during initial consultations. A client will call and say, “I am thinking about divorce and I just want to know what my options are.”
Then I scratch my head wondering what that really means and ask, “Can you tell me specifically what information you are looking for?”
“Yeah, I just want to know what my options are…”
Here is the honest truth. There are only two options:
- Stay married.
- Get divorced.
Your decision whether to get divorced really only hinges on one question: Do I want to be in this marriage? There is nothing else you really need to know because the people who want a divorce will find a way. The people who don’t will find an excuse.
You might want to smash your computer with a hammer about now, but stay with me for a minute.
When people need to know their “options” first, what they really mean is they want to know what a likely outcome will look like first because if it’s too much trouble/painful/expensive/lengthy (pick your own adjective here), then they aren’t going to do it. You see, they have not really decided they want a divorce. Once you really decide you want a divorce, then your focus is different. In fact, it becomes, “how do we get started?”
If you’re undecided, you want to know what would alimony/child support/custody look like? And if you like that picture, or if it falls below your pain threshold, then you’ll do it. However, if you know that you do not want to be in the marriage any longer and you’ve made a real decision to get out, your inquiry really becomes more of a statement. “Let’s get started.” This is because you know that whatever the answer is to “what does it look like?” you’re still going to do it.
It’s sort of like the kid that goes to the pool and dips his toe in the water to see how cold it is. And then there’s the kid who just goes straight to the diving board because he already knows he’s jumping in.
Which one are you?
For those of you at the diving board, call us or schedule your Client Vision Meeting to get started.
About the Author
John Nachlinger is a co-founder and managing attorney of Netsquire, a family law firm focused on streamlining divorces through effective mediation, settlement drafting, and court filing assistance. As a New Jersey Supreme Court Certified Matrimonial Law Attorney and Qualified Mediator, John guides couples toward equitable agreements without the cost and stress of litigation.
Recognized as a New Jersey Super Lawyer for over a decade, John’s client-focused approach aims to foster understanding during challenging transitions. With a background spanning top law journals, judicial clerkships, and boutique family law firms, John now applies his analytical skills to create workable solutions for all parties. His mediation services reshape the divorce journey by prioritizing compassion and compromise.